Where the Heck Have You Been?

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Holy Cow it’s been months!! Wow wow wow!

Where do I even begin?? Oh friends, I cannot even begin to tell you how amazing and wonderful life has been! Don’t get me wrong there are struggles but nothing, nothing like I have encountered the past twenty years of my life.

Geez who knew life could be so serene and great, I’m sure lots of people hahahaha :)

Ok, so what have I been up to the past few months? Well, I landed myself a fabulous job at fashion design place, I have been financially independent and running a household on my own, with the help of my totally amazing kids of course and we have received such support and help from good friends. It’s funny, my youngest said to me, “mom when the devil is gone the angels come”, she is so right. So, I have been a busy bee working away and spending time with the fam and enjoying life. I miss writing though, hence I am here today. I was deep in prayer and I remembered my life’s story is hard and it’s good and you know, it’s good to share it and bring awareness that no matter what happens in life, life is so beautiful. It’s wonderful when we choose to learn from what life throws at us. So my dear friends I am going to try to make Saturdays or Sundays my day for blogging. It feels like I have the “itch”of writing again, muahahahah ;)

Oh hey, I went back to my maiden last name too. I am no longer a “Lane” it’s, ready for this? Benincasa. Yup good Italian name :D

So today I will keep it short and wish you all a better than fabulous Saturday and I will “see” you soon.

Ciao for now :D

When We’re Ready

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                        In the day when I cried out, You answered me, And made me bold with strength in my soul. Psalm 138:3

I cannot even begin to tell you how this piece of scripture reigns true for me. Life has been one hard ball after another until I came to Jesus. I had nothing left in me, I was beyond despair and that my friends is when I cried out to God and He heard me and by His grace made my soul bold with strength to get up and show up for life. To grab life with both hands and take charge of it. God polished me, pruned me and boy at times I thought I would die with emotional pain, but God held me. Gave me strength and took me through the fire.

Many of you know what my life has consisted of. In the natural eye of this world, not many people recover or find joy and happiness in their hearts. But I have and I owe it all to Him who has made it so. :)

I urge you, no matter what you’re walking through, surrender it all, surrender yourself to God, He will sustain you and know that when we walk through the fires of life we can’t do it alone. God is all loving, all mighty, all powerful and He wants nothing more than to hold your hand through it all. He gives us the incredible strength we need to get through each day. He has given me incredible courage, strength and peace in my soul to get through what I’ve been through and He will do the same for you.

That is the kind of God I know, love and serve. Get to know Him for yourself. He will take you places you could only imagine :)

I pray this day is wonderful and full of Gods favor over your life today. Remember friends, sometimes it’s walking through the fires of life that brings is out shining like a diamond :)

God bless and Ciao Ciao for now ;)

Out With the Old and In With The New, And It’s About Time Too!

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It has been a very long time since I wrote here. I’m sharing this song as it seems to be a good fit for me these past couple months as I have embarked on the biggest and I will add, the best, journey of my life yet! :D

I have finally taken a stand and I have finally gained enough strength and courage to let go of very hurtful and harmful situations in my life. This past weekend my Divorce came through. I thought it would affect me in an unpleasant way but to the contrary, I was bubbling with joy and such a sense of freedom! I have God to thank for delivering me from a life that was suffocating me and killing my soul. I believe marriage is such a wonderful and beautiful gift God gave to us. I do not condone divorce and I do not condone infidelity, lies and destruction of relationships. However, what I have been walking through the past years was definitely not Gods design for marriage. It was time to release it and move on. I cannot even begin to tell you how free and how good I feel inside. I know this was the right time and the right thing to do in my life now.

So there it is friends, I am a divorced woman. I am a free woman. As I step out in faith on this new life before me, I tell you, I cling to God with everything I am and trust He holds me close just as He did all my life <3

Thanks for reading and for your ongoing support. Ciao friends :)

Where Will I Be?

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I wrote a letter to myself today. This letter is not to be opened until January 2016. I enjoyed writing out where I am right now in my life. I have reached a place in my life to have some serious changes take place and as scary as that is, I am so ready for them and I look forward to what The Lord has in my future.  I’ll share more on these changes later on when some things are finalized and complete :)

Last year at this time my first book was being published. This year I have started my second book. I’m excited about this book. There just seems to be more freedom in writing it and I really feel this one in my soul. Kinda along the same lines as my first but different at the same time.

As some things come to a close and to an end, new birth in so many other areas of my life are blooming. Am I fearful of the future? Sometimes it creeps in but you know, I trust God so much and I know His promises are for me.  And one thing I have experienced in my life is that God makes all things, not just some things, no He makes ALL things work for my good.

So where will I be next year at this time? Only God knows and I know in my heart His plans for me are to give me hope and a wonderful future so that is one thing I know for sure, my future rests in His Mighty Hands and that is going to ensure a wonderful future for me :)

On that note, it is time to make dinner. Homemade stew and fresh homemade bread tonight :D

Ciao <3


Good O’l Resolutions…

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Ahhh a new year is upon us and with that, resolutions coming out of our ears!
What are the usual resolutions?
-get fit
-get healthy
-get out of debt
-loose a few pounds
What else?

I have yet to ever hear, I’m going to strive to be more loving, This year I will help more people, this year will be a year I exercise patience, this year I will be more truthful and honest, this year I will be a better person in society. This year will be the year I forgive!

In a world where “they” (whoever they may be) have turned society into a selfish, self centered place, most of us don’t think about how we can contribute to society in another way as this new year approaches. We are in a “What can I get out of “it”?” Way of living. Now I’m not saying every single person is this way because there is such good in Gods world too.

I guess what I’m trying to say here is this; Make your resolutions different this year. Make them count from the inside out. The more the inside changes the better the outside is. What we hold on the inside seeps out on our outside.
Let 2015 be a year where you learn to love. Let this coming year be a year you forgive. Let this new year be a year where you allow God to transform you from the inside out! That means letting go of resentments, letting go and healing from the hurts, offering grace to those who don’t seem to know better. Coming to a place of understanding that hurt people hurt people! Being able to see past hurtful words and actions and not take it personally.

Is this possible?


How do I know? Because I’m doing it. Not perfectly and sometimes with bitterness, nonetheless, I put one foot in front of the other and try my best with The Lord at my side to walk this way with Jesus.

As this year comes to an end for me, it is also bringing a new beginning. It brings with it, a series of changes that have “forced” me to live my life in a different, more productive way. It is causing me to really move out of my comfort zone and and do life differently.  By the grace of God, my eyes have been opened to new life. You see, that’s the amazing thing about walking with God, just when you think you’ve reached some sort of plateau, you get rooted up and moved into a bigger “pot” lol.

Anyways friends, as 2014 closes, may the joy and peace of our Lord be with you. May He shower blessings upon blessings over you and your loved ones. And may you strive to be the best person you can be for others and yourself this coming year.

Until next year, Ciao ;)

Happy New Year!

Riding With The Brakes On

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It’s been awhile since I sat down to really dig deep and write about my feelings.

Yesterday was my birthday and what a splendid day it was! I was going to say I was spoiled but it’s not being spoiled when people love on you. I have finally come to a place in life and with myself to be able to receive the love and accept the wonderful gifts I was given.

My mom gave me a lovely card. I didn’t read it until this morning. I knew by the writing there was some serious feelings of hers written in it so I saved it for a time when I was alone to read it. Yup, I was right. Feelings written down. I felt sad after reading it. Sad for her, sad for me and sad for our relationship.

Let me share, it’s been more than a couple of years since I faced the demons in my life and decided to deal with my past and heal from it. With that came confronting some people in my life. My mom was one of them.

We had a big blow out.

Bit by bit we started to restore our relationship. Today, my mom and I are closer, we have more understanding and compassion for one another. I was just telling my eldest daughter yesterday how grateful I am that God has given me freedom through forgiveness and learning to truly love, love the 1Corinthians 13 way to love (I’m nowhere near perfecting that but I am closer to it than I was).

This morning I thought of my mom as I read her card to me. Made me think, what happened? What stops her from forgiving herself? what and why does she hold herself in her own “jail” of life? I have given her my forgiveness. She is unable to receive it. What is it inside of us that stops us from receiving forgiveness? What is it inside of us that stops us from exploring our hurts and pains in life and heal from them? what is it that stops us from refusing to give up old ways of life that are detrimental to our health, our well being and the health or our families?  What stops us from forgiving ourselves and others?

From my experience, what stopped me was the fear of truly facing myself and the wreckage I left in my tracks from the way I lived and the way I was towards others. making changes in ourselves and in our life is not easy task. It is not for the faint of heart. This takes courage. This takes willingness. This takes commitment. and you know, it takes being sick and tired of the same old junk day after day and it takes being sick of going around the same “mountain” of hurts, trial and pains day after day, year after year. It is like driving with the brakes on. Cautiously living each day holding back on life due to the full trunk of garbage we carry around. Come on, fling that lid wide open and release the demons! Punch them one by one as they come out! You will still be loved, you will still be cared for, you will still be accepted! Don’t think that you’re the only one who feels the way you do, or think that you’re the only one who has done bad things in life, you are not. We all have gone through something or another. Sadly it is this shame we feel that stops us from truly living our life.  This life is yours, take it, take it back!

Today is a new day. I cannot begin to explain the incredible freedom in life I feel. Yes, yes, yes, I still go through trials and challenges but I have hope and I see how far God has taken me. You can do this too, yes, yes you can! It is time. don’t waste another precious day living in the bondage of your own self. Today is the day to fall to your knees and ask God to make you willing, to forgive you, to come into your heart and make you whole. Without Him we can’t do it. With him we can do anything!

Will you do it today? Will you claim your life back? Will you come to the end of your ways and try Gods ways? I’m living proof of the freedom, the happiness and the life living life (if that makes sense lol) that I have today :)

Lord, I humbly come to you in prayer and ask You to bless each person who is reading this post today, it is not by chance they are reading it, it is by Your will. I thank You Lord for working in their lives, I thank You for blessing them and giving them hearts of love and a willingness to turn to you. Thank You Jesus that You came for us, that you paid the price so we don’t have to. You said to us, In this world we will have trouble but to take heart You have overcome it all. You didn’t say You overcame some things, You said You overcame them all and that means that WE TOO CAN AND WILL OVERCOME IT ALL THROUGH YOU TOO! Lord as we go through this day, speak to our hearts and show us, open our eyes to You and to ourselves to see us clearly, to see You clearly so that we may live the abundant and beautiful life You promised for every single one of us and Lord God let us remember and know and believe, there is nothing we could ever do, no sin too great to stop You from loving and forgiving us. I pray this prayer and give you thanks and praise In Jesus’ glorious powerful name. Amen.


Use It

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Do you have special china or tea cups you use only for “special” occasions or don’t use at all? I do, But I use mine everyday. I have come to learn and live that everyday is a special occasion. Our lives are special occasions everyday, not just on some days we think. YOU are a special occasion. Get those fine collectibles out and make everyday a special occasion for you and for the fam. Go on, if you’ve got fine china, use it for dinner tonight. If you’ve got special pots for cooking, use them to make that dinner tonight. Get out that cutlery you’re saving and use it. Life is for living in the now. Go for it and enjoy it while you can.

I have tea cups that have been passed down to me and they are worth money. I use to keep them in a cabinet and just look at them. Heck not anymore, I love my tea and I thoroughly enjoy that hot cup of tea in those fancy little cups. So go on and enjoy. You are worth it. Worth more than those fancy plates, cups, cutlery or pots. Yup even the  linens. HAhahaha ;)

PS- I even use my tea cup saucers for cat food :o lol ;)