It’s been awhile since I sat down to really dig deep and write about my feelings.
Yesterday was my birthday and what a splendid day it was! I was going to say I was spoiled but it’s not being spoiled when people love on you. I have finally come to a place in life and with myself to be able to receive the love and accept the wonderful gifts I was given.
My mom gave me a lovely card. I didn’t read it until this morning. I knew by the writing there was some serious feelings of hers written in it so I saved it for a time when I was alone to read it. Yup, I was right. Feelings written down. I felt sad after reading it. Sad for her, sad for me and sad for our relationship.
Let me share, it’s been more than a couple of years since I faced the demons in my life and decided to deal with my past and heal from it. With that came confronting some people in my life. My mom was one of them.
We had a big blow out.
Bit by bit we started to restore our relationship. Today, my mom and I are closer, we have more understanding and compassion for one another. I was just telling my eldest daughter yesterday how grateful I am that God has given me freedom through forgiveness and learning to truly love, love the 1Corinthians 13 way to love (I’m nowhere near perfecting that but I am closer to it than I was).
This morning I thought of my mom as I read her card to me. Made me think, what happened? What stops her from forgiving herself? what and why does she hold herself in her own “jail” of life? I have given her my forgiveness. She is unable to receive it. What is it inside of us that stops us from receiving forgiveness? What is it inside of us that stops us from exploring our hurts and pains in life and heal from them? what is it that stops us from refusing to give up old ways of life that are detrimental to our health, our well being and the health or our families? What stops us from forgiving ourselves and others?
From my experience, what stopped me was the fear of truly facing myself and the wreckage I left in my tracks from the way I lived and the way I was towards others. making changes in ourselves and in our life is not easy task. It is not for the faint of heart. This takes courage. This takes willingness. This takes commitment. and you know, it takes being sick and tired of the same old junk day after day and it takes being sick of going around the same “mountain” of hurts, trial and pains day after day, year after year. It is like driving with the brakes on. Cautiously living each day holding back on life due to the full trunk of garbage we carry around. Come on, fling that lid wide open and release the demons! Punch them one by one as they come out! You will still be loved, you will still be cared for, you will still be accepted! Don’t think that you’re the only one who feels the way you do, or think that you’re the only one who has done bad things in life, you are not. We all have gone through something or another. Sadly it is this shame we feel that stops us from truly living our life. This life is yours, take it, take it back!
Today is a new day. I cannot begin to explain the incredible freedom in life I feel. Yes, yes, yes, I still go through trials and challenges but I have hope and I see how far God has taken me. You can do this too, yes, yes you can! It is time. don’t waste another precious day living in the bondage of your own self. Today is the day to fall to your knees and ask God to make you willing, to forgive you, to come into your heart and make you whole. Without Him we can’t do it. With him we can do anything!
Will you do it today? Will you claim your life back? Will you come to the end of your ways and try Gods ways? I’m living proof of the freedom, the happiness and the life living life (if that makes sense lol) that I have today :)
Lord, I humbly come to you in prayer and ask You to bless each person who is reading this post today, it is not by chance they are reading it, it is by Your will. I thank You Lord for working in their lives, I thank You for blessing them and giving them hearts of love and a willingness to turn to you. Thank You Jesus that You came for us, that you paid the price so we don’t have to. You said to us, In this world we will have trouble but to take heart You have overcome it all. You didn’t say You overcame some things, You said You overcame them all and that means that WE TOO CAN AND WILL OVERCOME IT ALL THROUGH YOU TOO! Lord as we go through this day, speak to our hearts and show us, open our eyes to You and to ourselves to see us clearly, to see You clearly so that we may live the abundant and beautiful life You promised for every single one of us and Lord God let us remember and know and believe, there is nothing we could ever do, no sin too great to stop You from loving and forgiving us. I pray this prayer and give you thanks and praise In Jesus’ glorious powerful name. Amen.