I don’t even know how many parts I have posted about my journey to where I am today. I will share that, I get a lot of demands about posting this part of my life. Why?? No clue. I ask the inquiring minds why and what is it about these posts they enjoy and here’s what a few readers say…
“It’s interesting. It’s your life” , “Incredible transformation”, “It shows me no matter what happens, God is always there”, “It shows me what you went through has made you a strong woman”, ” You never gave up”, “You keep fighting, giving God the glory”, “no matter what happens in life to always trust God”.
Well, that was very nice for me to hear. I am grateful that God moves in my life, in our lives, to change what the devil intended for bad to something miraculous and beautiful. I thank you all for reading.
The journey continues….
I, the children and Rob were committed to helping a friend move this particular day. Rob planned to be home to lend his pick up truck to carry furniture. He came home, all was well, and he went to shower.
I felt suspicious but once again, turned a blind eye and disregarded that gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach. I thought that it was weird to have this feeling come over me, but trusted him. After all, the incredible changes in him over the past few months were heavenly. I had gone ahead to our friend’s place which was not far from our own place. I was over there for a couple hours and started to wonder where on earth was Rob. I decided to come home to check to see where he was. As I came in, he was heading out to meet me.
I decided I was going to run up and use our washroom before heading over there again. So up I went for a pee. As I sat there I looked into a book bin we had and there was his Ipod. With shaking hands I picked it up and turned it on. I didn’t know exactly what I was looking for, but I knew in the back of my mind, that internet was accessible from this device. At first I thought, No Chris, don’t go there, but I did. My heart was racing so fast I almost threw up. I was in disbelief, I did not know what to do. Something inside me said, it is finished now. I didn’t know what that meant or where it was coming from. I was in despair with no one to turn to. My nightmare was starting all over again. The anger bubbled up from the depths of my insides, I was shaking uncontrollably, and it was like all our years of craziness came flooding in. All the signs of infidelity, all the unexplainable events and mood swings, this explained it all. The other women, the looks, the betrayal. My world was splitting into a million pieces and there was nothing I could do about it.
Sadly Corinne encountered that trauma and experienced the hurt along with me. I saw the anger well up in her eyes. I could feel her little heart turn to stone. I couldn’t help her, I had just exposed her to this ugliness and I couldn’t even help myself. We sat together in my bedroom stunned at this realization.
Rob was downstairs during all of this. He came up and asked us, “What’s up? Everything ok?” With a shaky voice I said, “Yup”. He stood there looking at me, and I at him. He went back downstairs. A few minutes later, I descended, I walked past him, he reached out and grabbed my hand. I quickly pulled away and told him through clenched teeth, “Don’t you ever touch me again”. We stared at each other for a few seconds, he stood up, went to the washroom, closed the door. I stood there frozen. A few minutes later he came out, came down the stairs and without looking at me or saying a word, he walked out of the house. He was gone for hours. I had gone to bed long before he got home.
I didn’t know what to think, how to feel, or what I was going to do. I told no one of this horror I found. Something was going on inside me during these two days. I cried out to God with all my heart. I cried and cried until I had no tears left. I couldn’t eat, sleep or think straight. The kids knew something was seriously wrong. Corinne carried this heavy burden inside herself and the other two, knew there was trouble brewing. The next day, I sat my other two children down and shared with them what I had found. Corinne decided to tell them exactly how it all went “down”. We all experienced anger, rage, disbelief, and utter shock. I had decided that this was the last straw. I thought I was going to divorce him. I had finally had enough…….
I feel the need to remind my readers, and mostly myself, as writing about this triggers me, this is not what is happening today. There are issues that we continue to go through and that is to be expected. Today Rob and I have been and are working on our marriage and our family. It is not easy some days but we get through. We are committed to working things out. We understand that what we have brought to our marriage stems way back to our upbringing. Yes it easy to blame and point the finger to the one with bad behaviour, that keeps the focus off of our part. And friends, we all have a part. Sin is sin is sin in God’s eyes. None are greater than others. Although society may see it that way. As horrible as a situation that has been, I couldn’t be more grateful to God for opening my eyes to such blessings and goodness that has come out of it.
Thanks for reading :)