It’s Prom!!!

Hey my blogger friends wanted to catch you up on this day :D

Today is my eldest daughter, Corinne’s Prom!! It was a fantastic day going with her to have her hair and make-up done. I’d like to share some pics with you (I already put them on Facebook ). I’m so very proud, this is my second child to graduate from high school. As I did not graduate from high school nor did I attend a prom of any sort, I was very happy to go through this day along side my daughter.  :D

Corinne  (A.K.A Missy).  The first three are of Corinne and her Bfriend Matthew.

Prom 1   Prom 5   Prom 4

This is the cute couple ;)

Prom 3

Prom 2

The above picture are of my three amazing kids :D

Prom 6

And this last picture is quite funny because this is a picture of Corinne with Daniel, Bekah’s Bfriend, who lives far away from us. He wanted to get in on the fun with the pictures so Bekah face timed him and here he is on the phone :) Hahaha

Thanks so much for reading and your support. :D

 

To Find or Not To Find…

It’s been a few days since I’ve written. I find I’m slowly slipping into some isolation due to the “season” of life I am in, so here I am, breaking free! :D

The weekend was quite interesting with new findings of some things and it’s also been a time of some more confidence and self respect to grow in me. It’s really not so funny to me how God “grows” me up in Him (haha).

(By the way, I have not had a rage attack in almost two months :D)

Most of my  life has been spent raising my family. I have devoted my time to this “job”. I took on this role and assumed full responsibility to be the main caregiver which in turn allowed my partner the freedom and space to finish his schooling and apprenticeship and get a trade without having to worry about who was watching the kids. Sadly, part of me feels this has left me at a beginning stage of my life. Well, no I can’t say a beginning stage of life as I have had a very full life and have loved every minute with my kids (ok yes at times when things were crazy, I did not like it at all).  I have been feeling as if I am going backwards somehow with my life. Now that the kids are older and more independent, it’s time for me to really move on with my life. And I have, I have written a book that is being published, this is huge for me. I have completed a course in addiction and now it’s time for me to find some work and become fully self supporting. Life for me is taking a serious turn. There are changes that cause some anxiety for me but deep down I know it is in my best interest.  I have realized that over the years I have been doing the same thing over and over with expectations and hopes of getting a different result each time and sadly, there were changes but they were temporary. It has come to a time for me to do something different. I heard it once said as, “loving release our loved ones to their own lessons”. I have realized when we hang on too tight to something, we smother it or block God’s work in that person or situation. I have realized that when we try to “fix” or “put up with” or be passive without any healthy boundaries we are saying “okay” to bad behaviour or mistreatment. I don’t know exactly what has changed in me but something has. Could it be self respect? Could it be acceptance of what is?  Acceptance to life’s situations is half the battle to any situation in my opinion. Whatever it is, I am definitely heading into a part of life I am unfamiliar with. I will be honest, I do have much serenity and I also have some fear, (fear comes when I am not relying on my faith in God) around this as I know truly in my heart God’s will will never take me where His grace cannot protect me. He would never lead me down a path of harm. As it is difficult at times to take each step forward, I trust God provides the stepping stones for me.

I guess what I’m getting at here is, push has come to shove and I’m looking for a job and this my friends is a job in itself! It feels very discouraging at times. Someone very dear to me said, “you can look at this as going backwards or you can look at it as growth and a step forward” . Hmmm. Yes. For the most part I do, truth be told sometimes my emotions overwhelm me and my view of my current situation gets clouded, I have a good cry and then I’m back at it with a clear head. Ohhhh the emotional roller coasters are horrible. Ugh.

So, on my “To Do” list today is a list of numbers to call for work and I’ll be heading out in a bit to see what else I can find. :)

And on that note, wish me luck as I venture out. Ta Ta ;)

 

Okay, I’ve decided, and, I’m Gonna Do It!

 

Do it

After much pondering and I guess in some way avoiding this situation, I have decided that I’m going to confront both my cousins in regards to the abuse. I feel in my heart it is time. Both these guys have young children and families. I was scolded on the fact of “do you know what you will do to their families,?” “you will destroy their families”. Well, how’s about what the abuse has done to me all these years? the constant struggles in life and the torment it has caused me all these years. Did this abuse not destroy my life? Yes it did. And by God’s Grace it has restored it too.

This confrontation will not be openly done, mind you I’m sharing this decision with all of you, perhaps to hold me accountable to doing this and in so doing this, this is part of my healing process. I had a great conversation with someone yesterday morning, a fellow Survivor, and she has been so supportive to me. She has encouraged me and has been understanding to what struggles I have as she can relate due to the fact she herself has dealt with the same issues.

So friends, I’m going to do it. I’m thinking I will do this in the form of a letter and mail it. What do you think? I will write out what I wish to say and I will definitely pray over it and go from there. Now lets put a time frame on this. Maybe not. Maybe that’s too much pressure. Anyways, I’ll start with some prayer and then I will write and then I will go from there. But friends, it is time. It is time for this part of the healing process.

I know there are so many survivors out there who are so scared to even come out and share their abuse. I was one of them. I can also tell you, it has been the best therapeutic healing I have received. The bondage the abuse puts on one’s soul begins to loosen and your soul begins to feel the freedom and you eventually learn to forgive yourself, accept what happened and gain so much understanding to why your life took the turns it did and why we have chosen partners in our lives who could not love us the way we needed to to heal. I urge you, my fellow survivors, share your story, you were made for great things. Don’t allow the enemy of this world to hold you down any longer. Break free!!

Do it pic 2

As always, I thank you all so much for reading my blogs. I am so very grateful for your support.

Hey, I’ll keep you posted on the progress of this decision. :)

It Really Isn’t That Bad :D

I started this blog in January of this year. I have been thinking about the title of the blog. Teen mom to teens- a mom dealing with life & teens. Over the past few days I’ve been really observing my teens and one adult, and to my sheer delight my conclusion has been, my kids are flipping awesome!! Yeah they are teens, one adult, and truthfully life with them is pretty darn good! Yes yes yes we have mishaps with hair, and clothing at times and with my young adult ummmm, ummm, well not really sure with him but over all these teenage years we are passing through have been manageable. There have been some hairy issues but nothing that has taken us to extremes. Nothing that has caused some catastrophe or crisis. (I think the parents  have done enough of that). And to top it off, our kids have put up with a lot of crap from us, Dealing with childhood traumas and mood disorders and here they are, resilient and pushing forward.

(*Alright just this morning, I scolded the girls for dragging their heels getting ready and off to school)

Yesterday night, once again,  I was observing the family dynamic thoroughly enjoying my time with my kids and this is what I observed. All three kids pitching in to make dinner. We had a thunderstorm and a lot of rain yesterday evening but Corinne and her boyfriend Matthew weathered the storm and continued barbecuing.  Alex was inside making a wicked rice & bean dish and Bekah was getting the dinner table ready when she realized her cat was out in the rain, she with her big big heart was out in the rain getting the cat! They both came in soaking wet. Hahaha. After dinner we hung around the table chatting. After that everyone helped clean up with no huffing or puffing about it.

         C & M   C & M 2  AL cooking rice   R & A

                                                                         B & J   B & J 2  (Bekah hates to show her face in pics)

I don’t mean to brag. I cannot begin to explain the gratitude and love I feel for my kids and How proud I am of them.  I am honored to be their mom.I will add the kids also helped with some repairs around the house today. Fixed garden hoses, toilet handles and faucets. Oh, Plus the BBQ!

I may not be out of the woods as of yet but for today, things with my kids are good. My suggestion to all you parents out there, go one day at a time and for all that is good and holy, pick your battles. I use the expression, “Is this the hill I’m going to die on today?” And I go from there :D

To be raising teens, and one adult, in today’s day is challenging. I will tell you, the Hand of God has been in this all the way.

Another Nomination for, Moi?? :D

Good Sunday morning friends :D

It’s 8:30 am and I have had two cups of coffee, did some gardening and sat quietly and was very present in the moment until my crazy little cat was having a fit of hysteria outside. He was jumping on top of the neighbours jeep and trying to get into a pick up truck parked out front. Nuts? yes.

I’m writing this morning to FINALLY accept a nomination given by my fellow blogger over at The Dissocial Mom. I was so honored to receive this nomination of The bouquet of three award which was given to me, I believe,  last week. Yikes. Don’t know why it has taken me so long to accept this nomination but here I am :)

Alright the first assignment with this is to display my awards, so here they are:

Award 3 1

 

Award 3 2

 

award 3 3

 

Next write seven things about me.

1) I love to garden. I love planting flowers and vegetables and I love to get down in the dirt (inner child thing?) 2) I enjoy bird watching although I don’t get too far to do this, I take in the birds in my backyard and at our local parks. 3) I love to read 4) I enjoy my own company 5) I’m having a book published! 6)I like to cook and bake and for my finally, 7) I’m a firm believer that no matter what happens in life, I will come out better, stronger and full of so much more faith :D

Third, I am going to share with you the 15 fellow bloggers who I choose to Nominate for this award. They are:

1-  learnactshare.com

2-  fedupofthecrazy.wordpress.com

3- findyourdragon.wordpress.com

4-blog.sarahschmermund.com

5-valeriudgbarbu.wordpress.com

6-  mistyrennquist.wordpress.com

7- trinityandhumanity.com

8-  mamacravings.wordpress.com

9-  fortheloveoffamily2.wordpress.com

10-onethousandsingledays

11- lesleycarter.wordpress.com

12-  confessionsofanetworkmarketer.wordpress.com

13- creatinghealthyrelationships.wordpress.com

14-Business Success in heels no less! veronicapowers.wordpress.com

15-The Loving Parent

Alright, so there it is.

A very special thank you to my online friend over at  thedissocialmom.com  for thinking and nominating me for this award I am very grateful! :D

Growing Pains

Hey there.

Tonight I’m home alone. My kids are out and I decided to put on my jammies and settle in to watch The Notebook and have a quiet night to myself when I realized, I’m lonely.

You know, I’ve spent the last 21 years raising my kids and taking care of my family, (I’ve been doing this since I was 17 years old) and I was aware things would change as they got older and part of me looked forward to it. Not for the reason of, hurry and grow up, but for the reason of seeing them turn into the young adults they are becoming. This makes me feel very proud and happy as I see the fruits of my labor through them. On the other hand, I realized that through all these years growing up my family, (and myself), I failed to really be me, I got lost somehow. Being a teen mom and leaving so many things out of my life, has brought me to this season of my life today. That has changed as I am doing so many things for myself now, but I still feel lonely tonight. I do look forward to the exciting time when my book is published and I take myself out there to speak to students and people all around but tonight I’m feeling the “growing pains”, the transition stage of detaching from being a mom to my own person. My gosh, it brings tears to my eyes as I say that. Transitioning form being mom to my own person. That got seriously lost along the way. Maybe it frightens me? Yes, big possibility. You see, I was always just a mom. No, no, no, not “just a mom”. A mom is one of the greatest jobs out there. It has been for me. It’s learning how to be me that’s tricky. Makes me sad to think of the other young moms out there who may get sucked into this vortex of loosing self. Not only young moms, moms in general. Heck, I’m sure there are dads and guardians too that it may happen to.

I guess what I realize tonight is is that, I’m not sure how to handle becoming me. I always thought that at this stage of my life… I guess I may have had some other expectation of my life at this stage or maybe I some how always thought my kids would go out there and spread their wings and in some strange way still be “tied” to the nest. I don’t know. I can come up with many other things I may have thought, the truth is, the transition form mom to me is challenging for me. Even more so because another area of my life is struggling.

Well, enough of the self pity, I’m going to watch a movie and enjoy my company. I’ve decided long ago friends, that through this life of mine, as difficult or challenging my life may get, I’ve resolved to enjoy the ride.

I do get very excited for what God has in store for me. For I know it’s gonna be good!!! Wooo Hooo!! :D

I posted this video to my twitter account (@teenmombloggers) and facebook page (Teen Mom Bloggers-Teen Mom to Teens)  and I’d like to share it with you. It’s about Moms.  Please watch, it’s in english. Enjoy :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VhS5Yuk_5EQ

 

Instant Gratification.

So I’m out with my girls this evening. We decided to go poke around Wal mart and look at some make up and clothing. As we  are leaving I notice we needed some gas for the vehicle. We stop to get some gas and I’m so use to paying at the pump and away I go. Well, today I’m standing in front of the gas pump and I’m hearing a beeping noise. I ignore it and proceed to put my bank card into the card slot. Nothing happened. I take it out and try again thinking, hmm, what is the problem? I put it in again. Nothing. Still the beeping noise is going on. Then I notice on the screen a picture of a card with a big red circle over it. Surely that can’t be telling me I cannot pay here and I NEED TO WALK INSIDE TO PAY????  Oh no no no, I’m thinking. I don’t want to walk inside to pay, I want to do it here and go!. What is this nonsense? I started to giggle to myself on how I was thinking about the whole situation. I pumped the gas and took my butt into the store to pay for my gas. Yup, I walked the whole 50 feet to do that. What a trooper eh?! :D

I shook my head and giggled at how everything has become so instant gratification. Pay at the pump, tap and go etc… It’s become a society of quick,  fast and instant. When there’s a breakdown in the machines where that “luxury” is not offered temporarily we panic. We are rush, rush, rush and go, go, go, go, go that we don’t even realize we are sucked into the crazy of the world.  I’m amazed at how I subconsciously have become part of that too. The quick rush rush seems to be better but is it really? I don’t believe so. I feel we’ve become so busy in our lives and pile on so much that the world needs to keep up with us at times with all this fast and easy way to do things. Is it a wonder we are all stressed to the max and frazzled at times?

Tonight, I’m taking it easy. I didn’t rush to make dinner nor did I rush to clean up. I even took my time at Wal Mart. Usually that’s a place I whip in and out of. Nope, not tonight. Tonight, I relaxed and enjoyed the time with my girls.

By the way, for those of you who know about the hair colour mishap with my daughter, yeah, we’re at it again. Bought some colour to try to fix another colour disaster.  Oh joy. Do I ever learn? Ummmm, sometimes. I’ll let you know how that goes. :)

Enjoy the night. I hope you relax and take each minute as it comes. Talk soon! :)

Check out our previous nightmare here:

http://teenmombloggers.com/2013/01/23/if-thats-the-worst-thing/

 

To My Abusers. Yes You!

I seem to be reflecting on the effects of what I have been left with all my life after what your actions  have done to me. You have no idea!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!!  You have no idea, or maybe you do. Maybe you both have suffered as I have over the years. I would imagine with guilt, shame or maybe even the effects of this abuse on your own selves.  Maybe your life keeps hitting brick walls and road blocks. Maybe your relationships with your significant others reek havoc and continue in sheer dysfunction. I’m ticked off right now. I’m sick of you both not being accountable to your actions. I’m sick and tired of these effects creeping up in my life. I’m fed up and sick of how this has robbed my years and how it is a struggle when it’s tough to fight through to beat the crap that has come with crap! Yes I want to rant. I want to say to your faces, HOW DARE YOU???  I want to show you what your actions have done!! I want to yell and scream at you! I want you to KNOW this was not ok. NOT EVER! AND DON’T YOU DARE GREET ME WITH A HUG OR WITH AN ATTITUDE LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED!  And how awful I lived my life not knowing what kind of a person I was. To allow abuse and mistreatment ALL my life because of someone’s bad choices and actions. NEVER AGAIN!

Okay, that’s enough. God has restored and He continues to restore beauty and goodness in my life. He continues to work out all wrong doing and turns it into blessings for me.

I was working on my book today. I added over ten full pages. The sleeve of my sweater hit a button and for some darn reason all my work was erased. This triggered some anger in me. My kids, thank God for them, reminded me that God has much better writing in store for me. Thanks kids, at a time like that those were the words I really needed to hear and remember. It triggered the fact that I have struggled all my life with school, work and now this project. I blame it on the effects of the abuse. Fine. But it doesn’t give me the excuse to slip away and fall into self pity. God has shown me too many great things. I’m going for a walk now with my friend Delia and our best bud, Oliver (my dog). I need my spiritual friend to lean on today. Gosh, too emotional today. yup, that’s what happens when we clean ourselves out. Our emotions thaw and we feel things. Ugh.

Sigh… Thanks for reading my rant and trying to follow along here.