What Are We Saying?

I was out the other day walking the dog with the kids and we ran into an old acquaintance  and her son. This acquaintance has two children the same ages as my oldest two,  20 & 18. We stopped and chatted for a bit and as I stood there listening to her I was saddened at her choice words and I also felt overcome with gratitude for my own children, and to be honest, for how I see my children and how no matter what, I am able, by Gods Grace, to always see the goodness in my them.

As we all conversed together, my kids looked at me and became rather quiet.

Friends, after that conversation these were the questions that ran through my mind:

What do we say about your children?  What words do we use to describe them? What stories do we share about them? Do we gossip about our children?  Tell people how misbehaved they are? How much of a hard time they give us? (regardless if that’s true or not), Do we embarrass our children in front of others? Belittle them? (Even if it’s done in a joking manner?)   How do we see your children? Do we see them as beautiful or handsome? Smart? Kind? Great kids? Do we speak highly of them? Edify and build them up?

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up… 1 Thessalonians 5:11

We are to edify one another. Edify in the ways of speaking well of one another. This, in my opinion, is so very true when it comes to our children and family. Our children hear what we say about them. They feel how we feel about them by our actions, words, time spent nurturing the relationship with them. Our children are a reflection of us. For me, my goal as a parent is to teach my kids about God’s love for them and for my kids to know, I am a safe person for them. Safe meaning, if they come to me with issues, good or bad, I will be as kind as I can be, gentle, understanding and be of service to them. I want them to know that I will not slander them. Speak badly of them or tear them down. In my experience, my children hear how I speak of them, (now they read it too :D), the world out there is a tough place, our kids are up against enough when they head out the door. Our home & family life needs to be a place where our kids know they are loved and cherished. Parents, parenting is a tough job. One of the toughest. Let us not shrink away from this, our parenting molds our children into who they become. What we say about them and what we think about them will forever ring in their ears. Friends, if kids nowadays grew up feeling loved and cherished and most important (for me), safe, I’d bet there would be a very different world out there.

My experience has been learning to nurture and love my family through the years in ways I never thought possible. To love them as children of God. And in turn this has enabled be to love myself more and more.

Do I have regrets with some of my parenting? Oh yes. The difference over the years has been my awareness of what is edifying and what isn’t. Each day is a new day and I aim to be a better mom. I still screw up as many of you have read in previous posts, I’m a work in progress and I am committed to working on myself and my relationships with each of my kids. My kids will never know how much I love them, how grateful to God I am for them and how they have given me new life through our journey together :D

To my friends who have partners, this is extremely important too. How can a marriage or relationship thrive if one or the other speaks badly of the other? How can one look at the other the same after slandering them?

I don’t share too much on my spouse here in my blog. I will share though, we have entered a season in our marriage that I don’t like. It’s been difficult for me and my heart aches. We have battled so many obstacles and we’ve ridden a roller coaster the past nineteen years of marriage. The early years of our marriage I did speak badly of him to others. I saw him in a bad light. It was not until God got hold of me and worked on my heart that I stopped my words about my husband to others and I began to see him as who he really is and who he really belongs to and that is a child of God. I will share with you, I love him. I do. Always have and I truly believe I always will. He is forever in my prayers and I trust God has us exactly where we need to be. Regardless of what’s going on, and I will be honest I want to swear at times and say awful hurtful things, (and at times I have) I am learning to capture my emotions before they capture me and turning it over to God and surrendering.

As we go through the day, lets watch our words and change our thinking. And hey, here’s a suggestion, write out or say 10 great things about your children and spouse, even if your on a rocky road with any of them ;)

Thanks for reading, I know I can be all over the map at times. ;)

And before i go, here are some awesome things about you:
– your faithfulness in reading my blog
– your supportive comments
– you’re all awesome, beautiful children of God :D
– you are strong & courageous to get through each day
– and to my fellow bloggers, I thoroughly enjoy reading your blogs and look forward to them
– and lastly, we, all of us, help each other grow, heal and support each other as we can relate to one another through our life experiences

Ciao for now dear friends & God bless!

Time Flies With A Few Broken Limbs

Good very hot hot hot day to you! (I guess depending where you are) ;)

I’m very excited for my daughter Corinne, she is graduating High School tomorrow! Today she has a grad luncheon and rehearsal ceremony for tomorrow evening.We went out yesterday and bought her this spectacular outfit and fantastic shoes, we really had a great time.  We spent most of yesterday together and last night was so fun. I laughed so much. We did our nails and the funniest part was we put on some old music and we sang together at the top of our lungs! She was laughing at me as I was singing because I was messing up the words and confusing her. We laughed a lot together. I gotta tell you, I often laugh with my kids, I mean not just a few giggles here and there, FULL blown laughter, you know the kind where your stomach feels like it’s going to break? Yup, that kind of laughter. It’s awesome.

I want to share a story with you. Corinne actually reminded me about this the other day. When she was twelve years old, we bought our house. During that summer  a friend of mine came to help me clean up the backyard and prepare some flower beds. It was a half hour before the stores were to close and I wanted to get some flowers in ASAP. I called on the kids to hop in the van and off we’d go. Well, I was so excited to get going, I was the first one in, in the drivers seat I plopped myself down and slammed the door as I got in. The car door swung open. I grabbed the handle and gave it another good slam. Flung open again. What the heck? I said, and tried one more time with all my might this time, to close the car door. SLAM! After the third time it hit me, Oooo I wonder if I caught someone’s hand in the door. (You see this happened before). I turned around slowly and peeked into the back seat. There is my poor daughter Corinne, crawling in the back, I said “Oh my gosh Missy (my nickname for her), did I catch your hand in the door?” through her tears she replies, “yes”. Me being the concerned mother I asked, “are you alright?”, trying to suck up her pain she says, “yes”. Ok great, she’s ok and we still have time to get to the store!! (crazy mum? yup).  I instructed her sister to get her ice and off to the store we went. Corinne was in pain. Long story short, she went a couple of days with a splint and ice before we took her to the hospital for an x-ray. Yes friends, it was broken. Her little hand was broken. Needless to say I had to explain what happened to her at the hospital and accept the looks I got from the nurses. This was not the end of her broken limbs, later that year she broke her toe playing soccer, where I then again, encouraged her to “shake it off” and keep going. (Yikes). A few months after that, she dislocated her shoulder at school, (thank God I was not around for that one). That year she was in the hospital about four times. The last time we went, the doctors reviewed her file and asked me, no in fact, they told me to wait out in the waiting area so they could speak to Corinne themselves. I’d be suspicious too if I was them. It all ended well. I was not charged, hahahahaha!!! :D

And now, my beautiful daughter Corinne who is 18 years old, works, is able to cook, clean, do laundry and still enjoys spending time with me,  will be graduating High School tomorrow. (Thanks be to God, with nothing dislocated or broken).  I’m sitting here writing this post with an ear to ear grin :D

I thank you for reading friends, I am very grateful  :)

 

What Is It?

Hey friends, hope this Saturday is totally awesome for you :)

I was out walking with my dog, Oliver. I had some quiet time to reflect and soul search. I was thinking about why I am not working outside the house yet. It’s been a couple weeks, if not more, since I started looking and still I have not found anything. I wondered why and had a chat with God about this. What came to me was, “could this be a way I am self sabotaging myself?” or “could this be a way of keeping myself stuck in a bad situation?” Both of those questions can be potential reasons why. What I also pondered on was the fact that I am open and willing to look at myself honestly and allow God to show me what needs changing and growth. It also tells me there is still some trauma to be looked at. I then began to think about, what is it about people that makes them unable to see their behaviour or hurtful actions to others?  I can say from my own past experience and life changes; addiction, pride, ego, selfishness and self centerdness, and self entitlement are at the core of personal blindness. When these defects are active it is virtually impossible to see God (let alone hear from Him) and live in His light. I also asked the question, what is it about these characters we love so much and why do we hang on to them as a way of dealing with life? Is it the false sense of security it gives us?  Is it the fear of feeling the hurt and pain from past issues in life? Is it the fear of really seeing one’s self truthfully and realizing the damage the defects have caused in their life and relationships? These questions were my answers as I was growing up in Christ.

As I have been journeying  with Jesus over the  past fourteen years, He has gently nudged me, and when I refused to listen, nudged me harder to look at myself truthfully and evaluate my behaviour towards others and myself. Heck, I did not like to do this! It was painful and I was ashamed of my behaviour. Through this all, He had a greater plan. For He knew all along that I would grow and heal and be a better person. I can not stress it enough friends, the trick here is our willingness to die to  ourselves, and what I mean by “die to ourselves” is, our pride, our ego, our self entitlement, our selfishness and even our need for instant gratification must be squashed and “arrested” and surrendered to God and replaced with His love and His way of life. How is this done? One day at a time. Knowing God’s word and knowing the type of man Jesus was and by changing one worldly character at a time. It can be done. I am living proof. :D

There’s a lot more we must die to but I say start with these fabulous one’s first.  I was sharing with family the other day how God gave me enough to deal with in accordance to where I was spiritually with Him. The more I grew with Him and the more I changed myself, He increased and made me see more of what needed to be changed. Take today for instance, being able to reflect with Him and be open enough to really look within myself and see what could really be   going on in me.  I will forever be a work in progress with my Lord, until the day I die, His work in me will not be complete. :D

On that note, time for a nice hot cup of coffee (yup even on this hot, humid day).

As always, thanks for reading, you’re all awesome!

THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

Good morning my friends!!!

 

thank you 2

I want to say THANK YOU to all my readers. Yesterday my views hit 278 views for one day!!! 278!!! I am so grateful to all of you who read my blog and have journeyed with me through the past few months!! I am over joyed and filled with much gratitude for the support. THANK YOU!

thank you 1  thank you 3  thank you 4

 

thank you 5

I am very humbled. Thank you friends. God bless you!

Our God is an Awesome God!

Hey wanted to pop in and say, out of all the crazy and backlash my poor parents have received this week from overly emotional people, (poor parents, has nothing to do with them) I just want to say how our bond has strengthened and I have had so much support from them. It’s totally amazing how God works everything out for good. It never ceases to amaze me :)

I love how Jesus says in Luke 8:17

For all that is secret will eventually be brought into the open, and everything that is concealed will be brought to light and made known to all.

Don’t you just LOVE that piece of scripture? I do. :)

Anyway, just want to say God is totally AWESOME! He never ceases to work in favor for those who truly love the Lord with a true heart. Thank You Jesus for all You do for me. I am in total serenity with You. You have sustained me through it all and I know You continue to go before me. As the water gets higher, You Lord are there to rise me above it. Thank You!

Well friends, I’m going to enjoy a yummy delicious dinner now of breaded veal, mashed potatoes and gravy. YUM! Ciao for now friends and as always, thank you for reading and God bless :)

Gossip. Too Much Time On One’s Hands?

Hey Friends, wow , what an interesting day. I was refraining from blogging today due to a situation that occurred earlier but nope, decided on writing :)

Want to share first the meaning of Gossip: As a noun it is described as this:

Casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true.  As a verb it’s described as this:    tattle – tittle-tattle – talk – chatter – babble

So as you all know I sent out my letters and needless to say, some “poop has hit the fan”. To be expected I guess.

I am told the whole story around what had happened and I am just appalled at how people who are NOT EVEN involved have started some serious gossip. Gossip around my blog posts. They claim they have read that I have been accusing my dad of sexually abusing me and also stating they have seen inappropriate pictures that I have posted of my daughters on my blog site. FOR THE RECORD, MY DAD HAS NEVER ABUSED ME! (wow that must have taken you a long time to come up with that one) AND  TO MY BLOGGER FRIENDS WHO READ MY BLOG, I’M SURE CAN AGREE THERE ARE NO POSTINGS AT ALL THAT HAVE EVER ACCUSED MY DAD OF SUCH A THING AND ALSO, CAN TOTALLY SEE THERE ARE NO INAPPROPRIATE PICTURES OF MY DAUGHTERS SITTING ON TOILETS POSTED.  Am I ticked off at these FALSE accusations? I’m more sad at the fact that these people have stooped so low to avoid their own issues and accountability,  have come up with such nonsense and have stuck their noses where they do not belong.  How ridiculous. Yes I know who you are. That is a shame. Very sad for you.

On another note, I’d like to comment on Exodus chapter 3 when God calls Moses to free His people. After reading and reflecting on this chapter, and as His children call out to Him and depend on Him for help, God basically says, “DON’T MESS WITH MY CHILDREN”.

You know what’s totally, totally awesome? God is my vindicator!! Wooo Hoooo!

P.S.- I am so very proud of myself and I know I have done the right thing by confronting my abusers, I WILL NOT allow nor will I OWN the shame or the fear of others. I have allowed God to work in me and transform my heart, not just the outside, my mind and my heart. There’s the difference.

And with that little rant, I’m off to spend an awesome evening with my daughter Bekah, heeeyyy, maybe we will find an outhouse and I’ll get a pic of her sitting in it! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA (ok some sarcasm there ;)).

 

 

 

 

 

We Reap What We Sow :)

My son comes home from work. Yup he landed himself a summer job. So proud.

Well, over the past couple weeks he’s been talking about tithing his first pay check.  (Could I be any more proud that he respects God in this area?).

Any-who, we start chatting this evening and he begins to share with me about how he hasn’t been reading his bible the past couple days and how his thoughts started going to, “well maybe I won’t tithe it all and save some”. He then says, “you see mum, I stop reading His word and there becomes more of me and less of Him”  and points to my manuscript.
Friends, the title of my soon to be published book is called, “More of You, less of me”.  I got shivers when he did that. It was a feeling of, my gosh he gets it!

Just had to share this with you. It was awesome!

galatian

Thanks for reading :)

Step Two… Complete :D

How do you spell relief? For me today it is spelled…  Mailing my second letter last night!!

Wow, what a feeling.

Friends, I never thought the day would come where I would have grown so much emotionally, mentally and spiritually to be able to share my story AND make attempts to confront my abusers. I cannot even begin to explain how I feel! Totally, totally awesome! I feel like running, skipping and jumping :D
There is this freedom in me. It’s like there’s this little girl inside me, so happy and free. She is free. I don’t even care for a reply back. This was something I needed to do to mend the broken in me. With all that is going on in my life right now, God continues to show me blessings and you know, no matter what we face or what we go through, there is always a piece of goodness in it for us. Always.

I want to thank all of you who read and my blog, follow me on twitter and Facebook, I do not know many of you but I have felt your support and encouragement through this step. Thank you for reaching out to me and thank you for reading. God bless you!  :D

Ciao for now my friends.

happy kid 2

 

From Victim to Victor! :D

A fellow Childhood sexual abuse Survivor posted this video through a group I’m part of. I wanted to share it.

To all my fellow Survivors, please watch. It’s only about five minutes. This abuse affects us and WE CAN RECOVER!! WE DO RECOVER :D

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2Ie104VhD4

What Else Can I Say?

What a morning it has been and it is not even close to be over yet.

I blew it. I lost my temper and I yelled. I want to justify this by saying, “how much can one person take?” but to me that is a way to excuse bad behaviour. I get so disappointed in myself when I am unable to maintain my self control. But then again, I AM ONLY HUMAN. Sigh. Yes, a mere human with feelings, faults and trying to do my best with what I’m dealing with.

The hard reality hit me (once again), this morning. The reality of how destructive, hurtful, traumatizing and dysfunctional living with the effects of addiction in our lives is. These effects do not go away on their own. No, no they DO NOT. They permeate our lives and the sad reality of it is, unless you are aware and accept this truth, we will continue to live in denial and the trauma of what all our actions cause on others in our family and relationships.

Growing up myself in a family seething with addiction, the effects on my own life have been detrimental. I have always admitted I did bring my own baggage into my family and I have been trying, I guess too hard at times, to “fix” what my part in the crazy. A work in progress I am, and will forever be.

These effects do not magically go away when we avoid reality or isolate or even withdraw from our family or life. No no no, they, in fact fester and grow more. What makes it worse is when we are aware of the issues and we continue to turn a blind eye to it as if that will make things better. (Ooo Denial, huge effect of living with the effects of addiction in family or relationships). The effects make you feel as if you are crazy! Living with the effects make you feel badly about yourself and so much pressure is felt to try to do your best to make things work or “fix” others who are hurting. The effects mess with our body image, our mental ability to think in a healthy way, it affects our perception on love and life. Without help spiritually, mentally and emotionally these effects will continue to tarnish and distort one’s self and eventually without help will destroy families. Addiction is cunning and baffling. It does not care who it destroys in it’s path.

This morning I am upset. I am upset with the inability that some may have, to deal with life and family. I am upset that I feel the load is mine to carry alone. I am upset that I am unable to make this all better. And friends, I know I am not the one to make things all better, for that is quite the pressure on one’s  self. I also need to remember I am responsible for my part in my family, relationships and my life. And to be very honest with you, today, I want to lash out. Ohhh self control, where art thou? It’s in there and I will do my best today to tap into it and take care to diffuse the volcano bubbling up inside me.

Living amends go a much longer way than words. Action. Recovery is a program of action. Not passivity, ignorance or denial. ACTION. Action to mend what has been broken and hurt with others. Living is an action word to me. To live as Christ calls us to live takes and requires action. The right action to mend, to nurture. To get out of self and into God. To allow God to use us and mold us and clean out our heart. Recovery is a heart transformation that only God and God alone can do. This does not happen over night but daily, daily in His word, following His footsteps. And most importantly, it is a life long journey and if we want lasting change this is the daily action we must take.  I will add, and may we be ever so gentle with ourselves as we go along. We are not perfect, never will be and that is okay. We do the best we can and allow God to do the rest :)

As for me, today I will be in constant surrender of self to God.

Psalm 51