Whoops!

Hello my beautiful friends :D

I’m here today with my very sincere apologies for posting a song with a swear word in it. Yikes!  I am sorry.

Before I started to walk with Jesus, I use to swear like a sailor!! (do sailors swear a lot? And who came up with that saying?) lol. Anyways, one day I read in my bible from Ephesians 4:29 “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth”. Well holy heck, was that a knock on the head and from that day forward, which was about ten years ago, maybe more, I started to be very aware of the language I choose to use. So after posting the video with  yesterdays post, I was mortified to find out the word – well I won’t say, but begins with an A, was in it. I have since changed it to a squeaky clean version.

Thanks for your grace :)

 

Is It Safe to Call It True Love?

Ok so I feel as if my heart has had some serious conviction about honoring my husband. You see, this is an area I tend not to fully allow myself to become vulnerable in because for me, causes the greatest emotional pain. It also is a place where I feel a lot of joy and happiness and wholeness. Yes, weird to have both those emotions around the same relationship. For those of you who know us on a personal level must think, “what on earth keeps these two together?” and maybe some thoughts or rolled eyes go by with our on again off again relationship. Friends, I like to extreme problem solve. When an issue arises between us (I’m much much better now), I go straight to, “it’s over, we’re done” mode which is not very helpful in working through issues that life throws at us. But that has changed :)

So today as I was getting ready for the day my focus went to some funny moments I have had with my husband. Just last Friday night we hung out together here at home listening to some christian music off my Iphone and we sang. Then we got into some old eighties tunes and were belting out some tunes! We laughed and giggled and had a really fun time together. We must have been having our own little concert for sometime when our eldest daughter came into the living room asking us if we could please go to bed so she can watch a movie!! We looked at each other and my husband says, “when did the kids start telling us to go to bed?” We cracked up with laughter and continued our serenade.

I’m not much into the main stream of music but I do hear songs through my kids. One day we were driving and this song from Pink came on. I listened closely to the lyrics and could not help but laugh! Pink made this song for me and Rob!!! ahahahahahahahah ;)

Rob, just want you to know, although we drag each other through the trenches at times and we have had so much life between us, I am truly grateful that God has brought us together. Through our journey I have learned so much. I have grown and healed and I am becoming the woman God wants me to be. Today I see that I would not be able to be who I am becoming without you.  Through the past twenty years together, I have learned to love. Love as it is described through Gods word in 1Corinthians 13.  Thank you for never threatening to leave me and thank you for the hard work you have put in the past three years to become a man after Gods own heart. This past summer has really taught us both something and I am very blessed we have worked through together and through it some crazy way, well I know it was through Gods way, we have come out stronger together. My goodness, I am in awe once again by what God has done.  i love you <3

And on that note, enjoy the song. I like it, it’s very funny and relatable :D

Where Are You At?

This is a good question I like to ask myself almost on a daily basis. What exactly am I asking myself when I ask this question? Well, I’m asking myself, where am I at? Not physically, but emotionally, mentally and most importantly, spiritually. When I’m feeling “off” this is an indication to one of these items being off balance. The red flag here is what my attitude is like towards others, towards myself and towards life. When it is no longer lining up with God’s view for my life I know I’m off roading with my “ATV” somewhere. Now these “off roading” expeditions are not always a bad thing. God often, no not often, He always uses these “off roading” experiences to reveal some hindrances in my life.

Yesterday I felt very challenged.  I started to get into some stinking thinking. This thinking gets me no where other than a place of, lets say, a big ugly mucky ditch. Thankfully I refused to stay there too long.

A lot of good is happening in my life. A lot. After one crazy summer, my marriage somehow by God’s amazing grace, is at the best it has ever been. My relationship with my kids is continuing to  grow through the challenges of life and teenage lessons, we are growing closer together in love, understanding and unity. My book is so close to hitting the shelves and I have reached such incredible peace with God and myself. Yesterday we started a new group to add to our bible study group Coffee, Tea & Christ. We added a youth group for teens along with or without their parent/s to come and discuss life. Unanimously we called the group Open Arms. Every Monday night at 7pm, we meet at our house to uplift and support each other. Last night was the first meeting and boy oh boy was the Holy Spirit here! Listening to the younger generation share about God was incredible.

After all this goodness, I went to bed wondering, what and why are these feelings of blahness bubbling up for?

So what was so challenging yesterday? Most likely it was between me and myself. Unfortunately because of my abuse and life experiences, there will be this gnawing in me when life is very good. It’s like waiting for the other shoe to drop at any moment. This is very common for Sexual abuse Survivors, however, I refuse to succumb to those feelings and thoughts.  I will struggle, well no I won’t say I will struggle, I will say, I will face the challenge within myself when things in my life are going very well and get myself lined up with what God says about my life and me and with Him, and only with Him, will I move through it.

So today is a new day and I choose to have a good attitude. I choose to declare God’s goodness and favor over my life and I choose to be obedient to His word and not to what want to do or how want to feel. Choosing to be obedient to God’s word is where I continue to grow in my walk with Him. It’s where I repair my damaged spirit. Obedience to God when my mind and body want to succumb to old feelings, protections and attitudes is where I grow spiritually. And friends, this is what I live for, to die to myself and live completely for Christ. I have lived without Him and I live with Him now, and there is no comparison, no way I ever want to go back to what I was before Jesus took hold of my life. I will tell you, when God gets a hold of you, and He always does, He will never leave you alone. He comes after you and loves you and works things out in you to grow you in Him. What I had to do to get where I am today is allow the changes, face myself, look into my soul and the darkness it had and be willing to clean it up.  There is nothing, I repeat, nothing, nothing, nothing that God cannot repair and heal. No condemnation, no sin, no hurts, no unforgiveness that if you allow, God can and will redeem in your life.  I will not ever compromise Gods word or what He has done in my life for anything this world has to offer me. I can say this boldly because I have been on both ends of this. He is the reason I can stand here today and declare that there is nothing God cannot make whole again in your life.  I needed Jesus in my life. I needed to become obedient to Him and get His way of life deep down on the inside of me. It was only through this obedience to Him that I started to change. Jesus has been and always will be my therapist ;)

And after that little rant about how I feel about my Saviour, my SAVIOUR indeed, I’m going to have a coffee and finish up some last minute details on my book, I like to call it our book, mine and God’s after all, He gave me the thoughts and words and ability to write it.

ahhh, thanks for reading friends. I am very grateful for all of you.

And I say thank you for this too!! :D

Blog Pic 2

I hope your day is better than good! xxxooo

 

 

 

God’s Comic Relief In Dark Times :)

Hey friends, hope you’re all doing better than good! I’m doing great! I’m at such a good place in my life right now and I will simply enjoy it :)

I’m, well, me and my family, are going to a friends place for dinner on Saturday evening. I’m so looking forward to this visit because who we’re visiting is a friend of mine. Now she’s not just a friend. We have been friends since I was nine years old. This past April marked twenty nine years of friendship that we have shared.

A few weeks ago I was at one of the groups I attend for my childhood sexual abuse and as I was listening and thinking, I realized that through all the crazy insanity in my life, God provided me with a friend who in turn provided me with some serious hysterical comic relief to the life I was living and enduring.

Please allow me to introduce you to this friend of mine. Her name is Anna. I call her Ann. Don’t know when that started but it kinda always did. Here’s a picture of the two of us, (she’s on the left) from my youngest daughters sweet sixteen birthday party.

My IPhone pics 2013 1343

 Oh goodness me, there are so many stories I want to share with you about this part of my childhood that was quite pleasant. With her permission I have selected a few photos of her and I when we were younger. These photos never cease to make me crack up and shake my head saying, “what were we thinking?!” Nonetheless, these were some of the best times of my life. Ann and I use to dress up as old ladies and walk the streets, she with her awesome Italian speaking, would start talking to people walking by in Italian and they would look at her as if she was nuts! (Perhaps she was, hahahaha). We spent many of our summer vacations doing crazy things. There was a time we went out garden raiding. Tsk tsk tsk to both of us. I can be pretty sure that if our kids did such a thing today they’d be in some heavy trouble. Let me tell you friends, we enjoyed the best tomato cucumber salad ever made that year! Hey Ann, remember we were fighting with the cucumber????? Hahahahaha

Sadly I didn’t tell Ann what was happening to me and as we got older the effects of my abuse took me one way in life and her life took her another. I ended up pregnant and she was there for me the best she could. Heck, her name was the very first word my son said. What a day that was. Here was my son not even a year old playing quietly and we hear him say, aaannnnnnnaaaa. And again, aaannnnnnnaaaa. And once more again aaannnnnnnaaaa. We freaked out!! She smothered him with kisses and hugged him so tight. We laughed and laughed. It was so great.

As time went on we did go our separate ways temporarily but we always pick up from where we left off in our friendship.

After starting this blog and coming out with my abuse, I received such a beautiful email from Ann. It touched my heart and brought tears to my eyes. I will cherish her words to me forever.

Ann, thank you for providing relief for me from the reality of my life, for all those times we dressed up, acted crazy, crank called people, snuck out to ride the bus to the mall, for the garden raiding, and for the time at Uncle Jakes cabin- splashing my sister with water, hahaha, and for being my friend. For loving me quirks and all, for loving my kids  and for still being in my life. I am very grateful to God for you. Your friendship was Gods way of saving me through the horror I encountered. Thank you and I can’t wait til Saturday!! :D

So friends, please enjoy the photos (taken in the mid-eighties) of some of my very silly days with my friend. I sit here today chuckling to myself how God provided this comic relief to such a serious life. I don’t know if I would have made it had this not been part of my childhood.

                                       Ann 1  Ann 2  Ann 3

Lemonade Living On Life’s Terms

Living life on life’s terms. How do you do that?  With the illusion we hold onto thinking we have control of our external world, life as we know it happens. It happens right under our nose. It happens in our moments-good or bad. It happens whether we like it or not and where does life leave us? Well, it leaves us smack dab in the midst of it.
In the happiness and glory of life when it’s good, living life is great but what happens when life gives us “lemons”. We all know the old saying, “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade”. What if you don’t want to make lemonade? And what if you don’t know how to make lemonade or heck, what if you don’t like lemonade? We can sit in this place and get all sour but it doesn’t change anything. In fact it makes it worse because, this is a place where we may rehearse over and over how horrible our lemons are and we gotta tell everyone and their mother how horrible our lemons are which in turn keeps us in that sour place. In that bowl of lemons. Bleh.

Now after we are done sulking and rehearsing our woes, there comes a time when we start to, somehow accept our bowl of lemons and start to roll them around, get them to room temperature to maximize their juice and we start slowly, slowly making some lemonade. At first it doesn’t taste too good but as time goes on and with practice, these lemons take on some sweetness. Some homemade goodness until it turns so good we think, “how did we ever manage without this lemonade?!”

And so it is with living life on life’s terms. We accept each challenge, each heart ache, each transition in life and we make the best “lemonade” we can.

The past two weeks life dropped off a cart of lemons at our house. Some very unexpected situations and turn of events presented themselves. It was a challenging week for our youngest daughter and that became a challenge for us her parents and her siblings. The devil has been hot on our heels lately. I suspect we are very close to some great stuff with God and there’s nothing like the enemy to come on in and throw in some twists. Handling these situations came with much resistance and conflict from our darling daughter. I can say that out of my twenty one years of parenting this situation, that is dealing with a boyfriend, eating difficulties and other few issues, has been the most challenging thus far. There may have been some doozers I just don’t remember right now (hehehehe) :)

So how have we been dealing with the crazy insanity? We have stood united and have put on our army boots and have decided to stand firm in our decisions (her dad and I that is). She’s not happy but she said to me yesterday night, “Mom I don’t like the decisions that were made but I know it is for my own good and I thank you for that”. Did I almost faint? YES! That is one of the amazing things I admire about my kids, they may not like our decisions on certain things but it is respected and they are able to understand the why’s behind it.

So making the lemonade. It was quite sour around here but as time passed and days went on, we slowly accepted what is and  started to live life on life’s terms.

And as my daughter Bekah says, “you can have all the excuses in the world but eventually you gotta do something with those lemons. If you don’t they’re gonna get old, wrinkly and rot. They’ll be useless. You’ve wasted all the goodness in them and that goes for us mom, if we don’t use what God gave us, it will rot”

I say Amen to that!

Hey, if you really don’t like lemonade,  you can even slice them up and put them in some carbonated fancy water :D

God bless you friends and thank you for reading! :)

It’s Back To School Already?!

It’s back to school already!  Well for me, it’s one back to school today, one will start next Monday and the other in January.

It’s 2:00 in the afternoon and I have the house to myself except for my furry four legged friends :)

I haven’t blogged too much over this past summer and I got to thinking why and I realized, it’s been one heck of a busy summer! There have been many milestones reached for my kids. To start, my eldest daughter graduated high school and turned eighteen, my son got himself a summer job and my youngest turned sweet sixteen. These milestones called for parties and visits with old friends which was incredible. I also had the pleasure of having my niece, nephew and my best friends son over for the summer.  In between all that, we had a great visit from my out of town niece, had some home repairs done and to add to the mix, we had some family issues that needed tending too . All that pretty much took up these past two months.  With all that, we still managed to to find some family connection time which was great. We actually took off last weekend for a last minute camping trip.

All in all friends it has been a very full summer. It’s nice for me to get back to routine. This morning I surprised my youngest daughter with star shaped grilled cheese sandwiches for breakfast! Very cute. It’s so fun to do kiddie things like that for my growing kids. Regardless of their age, these little things brings smiles to their faces and they are enjoyed (makes me smile too) :)

With that, I’m looking forward to getting back to the writing and just a bit of an update on my book that is set to launch in September, the book cover is almost done and ready to go!! SOOOO EXCITED!!

Here are some pictures I’d like to share :D

moms iphone pics 2 546        moms iphone pics 2 705 Haha carrying those heavy apple chips :)

Bek 16  Grad Photo  Fam day out

 

And there’s some of my family pics to share with you. I tell ya, there’s not a day that goes by that I am not extremely grateful for what I have.

Ciao for now and as always, I thank you for reading and your continued support. Bless you! :D