This is a good question I like to ask myself almost on a daily basis. What exactly am I asking myself when I ask this question? Well, I’m asking myself, where am I at? Not physically, but emotionally, mentally and most importantly, spiritually. When I’m feeling “off” this is an indication to one of these items being off balance. The red flag here is what my attitude is like towards others, towards myself and towards life. When it is no longer lining up with God’s view for my life I know I’m off roading with my “ATV” somewhere. Now these “off roading” expeditions are not always a bad thing. God often, no not often, He always uses these “off roading” experiences to reveal some hindrances in my life.
Yesterday I felt very challenged. I started to get into some stinking thinking. This thinking gets me no where other than a place of, lets say, a big ugly mucky ditch. Thankfully I refused to stay there too long.
A lot of good is happening in my life. A lot. After one crazy summer, my marriage somehow by God’s amazing grace, is at the best it has ever been. My relationship with my kids is continuing to grow through the challenges of life and teenage lessons, we are growing closer together in love, understanding and unity. My book is so close to hitting the shelves and I have reached such incredible peace with God and myself. Yesterday we started a new group to add to our bible study group Coffee, Tea & Christ. We added a youth group for teens along with or without their parent/s to come and discuss life. Unanimously we called the group Open Arms. Every Monday night at 7pm, we meet at our house to uplift and support each other. Last night was the first meeting and boy oh boy was the Holy Spirit here! Listening to the younger generation share about God was incredible.
After all this goodness, I went to bed wondering, what and why are these feelings of blahness bubbling up for?
So what was so challenging yesterday? Most likely it was between me and myself. Unfortunately because of my abuse and life experiences, there will be this gnawing in me when life is very good. It’s like waiting for the other shoe to drop at any moment. This is very common for Sexual abuse Survivors, however, I refuse to succumb to those feelings and thoughts. I will struggle, well no I won’t say I will struggle, I will say, I will face the challenge within myself when things in my life are going very well and get myself lined up with what God says about my life and me and with Him, and only with Him, will I move through it.
So today is a new day and I choose to have a good attitude. I choose to declare God’s goodness and favor over my life and I choose to be obedient to His word and not to what I want to do or how I want to feel. Choosing to be obedient to God’s word is where I continue to grow in my walk with Him. It’s where I repair my damaged spirit. Obedience to God when my mind and body want to succumb to old feelings, protections and attitudes is where I grow spiritually. And friends, this is what I live for, to die to myself and live completely for Christ. I have lived without Him and I live with Him now, and there is no comparison, no way I ever want to go back to what I was before Jesus took hold of my life. I will tell you, when God gets a hold of you, and He always does, He will never leave you alone. He comes after you and loves you and works things out in you to grow you in Him. What I had to do to get where I am today is allow the changes, face myself, look into my soul and the darkness it had and be willing to clean it up. There is nothing, I repeat, nothing, nothing, nothing that God cannot repair and heal. No condemnation, no sin, no hurts, no unforgiveness that if you allow, God can and will redeem in your life. I will not ever compromise Gods word or what He has done in my life for anything this world has to offer me. I can say this boldly because I have been on both ends of this. He is the reason I can stand here today and declare that there is nothing God cannot make whole again in your life. I needed Jesus in my life. I needed to become obedient to Him and get His way of life deep down on the inside of me. It was only through this obedience to Him that I started to change. Jesus has been and always will be my therapist ;)
And after that little rant about how I feel about my Saviour, my SAVIOUR indeed, I’m going to have a coffee and finish up some last minute details on my book, I like to call it our book, mine and God’s after all, He gave me the thoughts and words and ability to write it.
ahhh, thanks for reading friends. I am very grateful for all of you.
And I say thank you for this too!! :D
I hope your day is better than good! xxxooo