Hey, thought I’d share a bit more of my story on how I got to my life today. I don’t recall if I ever shared about Alex’s biological father. I won’t mention any names as that, I feel, is not fair.
Where was my baby’s father in all of this turmoil I was going through? Dad was too busy hiding from his parents. You see, I was not too popular with his parents because of my nationality. While I was going through my own hell, he said nothing at all to his family. I was four months pregnant and his family knew nothing. I didn’t know if he thought that this situation would just disappear or if he had no intention of sticking around.
We were very good friends before we started seeing each other romantically, in the fall of 1990. One thing led to another and our young relationship grew. We were both fourteen years old and went to the same high school when we met. About a year after we started dating, I had met his family. For the most part, they were pleasant. His mom realized we had been together for some time, she made it known that she did not approve. She preferred her children to date within their own heritage and I wasn’t part of that. Hence, they rejected me.
My mom had asked me one day if his parents knew and I came out and told her, no, they didn’t and I proceeded to tell her why. Mom was appalled. She had me call him to find out if his mom was home and off the two of us went to his house to meet with her. The nerves that attacked my stomach were outrageous. I started to hyperventilate,, my mom was on a mission, and she was out to give his mother a piece of her mind. Thinking back, my mom, no matter what she was going through or how she was dealing with the situation, was there for me, ready to defend.
We arrived at their home. His mom invited us in, we had coffee, actually my mother had coffee as I had stopped drinking it when I found out I was pregnant. Thankfully my mother broke the ice and started to speak. She went on to speak about how and her son and I had been dating for some time now and unfortunately we had gotten ourselves in trouble. I highly doubt his mom was expecting to hear that she was going to be a grandmother. My mother told her the news. I wanted to crawl in a hole and hide. I realized that no parent takes this easily, and his mother freaked. First, she did not believe it was his baby, and then she went on to blame me, that it was all my fault. That is when my mother lost it. She firmly and sternly told her it was both of our faults. Not one person over the other was to blame. After a short silence, we got up and left, and with not one nice word to say about her, we walked home.
I didn’t speak to him for a few days. The stress was overtaking me and everything seemed like a blur. The utter exhaustion was too much to bear. The next few days I spent mostly in bed, trying to hide away, slipping into deep sleeps and hoping and praying when I awoke all of this would be gone. But we all know, no matter where we may try to hide or run away, there was no escaping what was happening.
My baby’s father came to see me and we sat on the porch and talked for hours. I’m sure he was dealing with his own horror. His parents wanted nothing, absolutely nothing to do with me or with this baby. They were willing to pay him $25,000 to convince me to get an abortion. I was mortified. I was aver four months pregnant, a baby was living inside me, a baby whose heart was beating, and they wanted me to destroy that? Never! He didn’t approve of that idea either. He told me he informed his parents that he would not do it.
I can’t even begin to tell how I was feeling. Physically I was drained. The pregnancy was really taking a toll on my body. By this stage I had lost almost twenty pounds and I was very weak. Emotionally I couldn’t even feel anything anymore. I didn’t care if he stuck around or not. All I knew at this point, I had no more tears to cry. There was nothing left inside me.
As the weeks went on, we stayed together till it seemed I was growing in more ways than one and he was the ball and chain I was dragging along. I was busy preparing for our baby, making lists, going to the doctor’s appointments, and dealing with the changes of my sixteen year old body. Everywhere I went, people stared at me. I had to deal with the gossip and stares, and I felt, he went along on his merry way.
Back to today. It’s hard enough for a teen to deal with such a life changing situation but to have a broken relationship on top of it takes it’s toll on you. I have no idea where this family is. I did give Alex their information, we did call and left a couple of messages a couple of years ago but there was no return call. Too bad for them. Part of me just wants to gloat and say to them how awesome this child has turned out to be. And how grateful to God that I found someone who took him as his own, loved and raised him. That is a true man.
Rob, I will forever be grateful for what you’ve done for us. I love you!